Media reports that they will not stop covering Afghanistan until Biden wears a headscarf

WASHINGTON – With emphasis on their dedication to informing readers about the current unrest in the region, the media announced on Tuesday that they would not stop covering Afghanistan unless President Biden happens to be wearing a headscarf. “Of course, our goal right now is to cover the terrible failure of the withdrawal in Afghanistan, but if the president were ever to wear a silk or even a wool scarf for a press conference, we would immediately change focus, “said CNN media correspondent Brian Stelter, emphasizing that if the day were ever to come when Biden showed up outside the White House in a cashmere scarf, they would drop all stories about Afghanistan and instead dedicates their best journalists and photojournalists to documenting the headscarf origin and precise significance. “Then and only then will we transfer our 24-hour news coverage from the ravages of the Taliban to discuss exactly what a headscarf says about the changing face of American masculinity, and Yes, whether a headscarf is appropriate. Needless to say, we would never mention the threats against Afghan women again if Biden had a slightly interesting-colored tie or a pair of shoes we had not seen before. These may be some of the most important issues in the mid-term period, After all.” Stelter added that the media would almost certainly also spend several hours a day discussing what kind of knot Biden had used to tie the scarf.


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