Dear Amy: Recently, I lived in a RV park in a suburban area. The occupants of the house behind my motorhome have what I believe is a day care center.
One day I heard a lot of shouting and: “Sit on the porch until I tell you to come in !,” followed by the door slamming.
So for the next four hours I heard a little boy crying, whining and yowling.
It was awful and painful to witness. I was really lost for what I had to do.
At the fourth hour, I called the State Department of Children’s Services. Shortly after, the child was screaming at something more and then brought inside.
I heard nothing else the rest of the day.
I went early the next morning and felt like I had let down that poor child. I have since been plagued by guilt.
Should I have called the police? Should I have said something?
Guilt-ridden
Dear culprits: Recently, I was walking through the parking lot at the local mall and saw a dog whimpering and crying in a parked car. I went straight into the security of the mall and reported it. Several other people stood there and had reported the same thing. The mutual concern for this defenseless animal was impressive.
My point is that we all need the same level of alarm and concern for children.
You did the right thing, but you could have made the call much faster. I assume that when you explained the situation, the operator at DCS would have advised you whether to call the police.
Dear Amy: I am a recent college graduate, at home (for now) looking for full time job. I want to move to a new place, make new friends and live my young adult life to the fullest.
While I was at home and on the job hunt, I spent the summer reconnecting with an old friend / flame, “Toby.”
He and I have been talking randomly on and off for a little over a year. When we did not see eye to eye in what we were looking for in a romantic partner, we decided to remain friends instead, something I am proud of.
Toby leaves the US to go to high school abroad and I’m sorry to see him go. Even though there’s still some chemistry between us, I also hate to see someone I care about move so far away.
Up until his departure, we have been together for fun, relaxed activities. Recently, I was invited over to his house, where we sat and talked all night about our friendship, relationships, and individual goals for the future.
In a moment of silence seemingly out of a movie, we closed our eyes, and Toby said very calmly, “I love you.”
I loved words like I have never been before. This was not my goal for the evening, and he says it was not his either; he felt it at the moment and decided he should let me know.
I am flattered but feel a lot of things: adored, surprised and somewhat betrayed by our friendship pact.
Any advice for this sticky situation?
Really confused!
Dear confused !: Toby will be leaving the country for the next many months. If ever there was a moment to express your sincere love for anyone, it would be!
And with reference to your cinematic moment: Isn’t that how Harry finally “met” Sally – by confessing a love for her that went beyond their friendship?
Does Toby express romantic love, friendship love, kinship love? It can be all three. Maybe it’s the slightly gripping utterance from a guy whose ship is about to sail.
Or maybe it’s the moment of truth statement from someone who sees his own life with some clarity and wants to be honest with you before you both start new phases of your life.
You have the next few months to communicate with Toby about this. He’s been honest, and so should you.
Dear Amy: Thank you for correcting the terminology “Not meant to be a mother” when she referred to an adoptive baby as “any old baby.”
We adoptive parents understand that what you said is true: Our adopted children are “real” and unique and very much ours.
Happy parent
Dear parent: This woman mourned her own loss. I hope her healing provides insight into the possibilities of adoption. But she is simply not ready.
You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
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