15 best quotes from Heathers

Content Warning: This article is about suicide.

There is a reason for that Heathers is still talked about to this day, over 30 years after its release. Its amazing story, brilliant dark humor from the 1980s and nuanced characters with distinct personalities are still relatable, even today. Over the years, many of the lines that are said within the film have become iconic and memorable, with fans still quoting them now.

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These quotes stood the test of time and it is due to being funny, intelligent or deeply thoughtful. But out of all the brilliant quotes from Heathers, there are some that are simply the best of the best, and serve as evidence of the film’s impeccable authorship.

Updated October 23, 2021 by Amanda Suarez: Heathers was a monumental film of its time and is permanently relevant. The script and story have even inspired a Broadway musical, TikTok trends and Halloween costumes as late as last year.

Because Heathers has such a social and pop cultural significance, it is only right to recognize all the amazing lines from the hit film in order to recognize the true extent of its influence today.

JD: “Greetings and greetings.”

JD smirks in Heathers

It’s hard to say if JD is the best character in Heathers, as he’s technically a villain, but he’s also charismatic and charming. The reason Veronica follows him around is that he is different from everyone else at school, and that fascinates her and adds a spark to her otherwise everyday life.

It makes him stand out, and the way he greets Veronica the first time they meet with this quote is an example of that. It’s not the typical way high school students say “hello” to each other, and it sets up exactly how he is as a character.

Kurt’s father: “My son is gay and I love him. I love my dead gay!”

Kurt's funeral in Heathers

This outburst takes place at Kurt’s funeral, after he and Ram have been killed. However, JD sets it up to look like a suicide, frame them as boyfriends and make the police assume they committed suicide because of their relationship, which is not the case.

In the 1980s, it was much more taboo to talk about sexuality than it was in the following decades. But instead of questioning it or being angry about it, Kurt’s father accepts it and loves him, which is a great message that still holds true today, and was especially important at the time the film was first released.

Heather Chandler: “No, Heather, it’s Heather’s Turn. Heather?” // Heather Duke: “Sorry, Heather.”

Heathers group in Heathers

One of the funniest elements of Heathers is the girl group itself and the fact that they are all trying to look like each other. This is doubly funny because three of them have the exact same name, giving some pretty funny “Who’s first?” type of dialogue.

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It’s just a good example of what this group is like and how everything they do and say is similar, making them feel familiar and none of them seem to be true individuals. It also shows Heather Chandler’s role as group leader as she keeps an eye on who goes where or what does and the other Heathers fall in line behind her.

Veronica: “If you were happy every day of your life, you would not be a human being. You would be a Game Show host.”

Heather McNamara and Veronica Sawyers together

Veronica may be in the Heathers group, but unlike the other three, she’s happy enough to think for herself and show real intelligence throughout the film. Suicide is a theme throughout the story, and when Heather McNamara considers it, Veronica is there to give a comforting shoulder.

This moment not only opens her eyes to what JD is doing to everyone, but it allows her to give some good advice to Heather. Throughout much of the film, it feels like Veronica despises Heathers as a group, but she’s much kinder and softer to Heather McNamara and Heather Duke, and this quote is a perfect example of the friendship she feels with them.

Veronica: “How much.”

Veronica looks at JD in Heathers

One of Veronica’s most iconic lines from the film is this one from her first encounter with JD After she asked him Heather the breakfast question: what would he do if he won the publisher’s clearing house and then aliens landed on the ground to blow it up?

After listening to preppy kids talk about stocks, jocks give vulgar sexual answers about Madonna, and others do not even understand the question, and JD talks about going out in a canoe with some tequila and a saxophone. It’s a refreshing and interesting answer to Veronica and her answer, “How much”, concludes the first moment in the chemistry between the two.

Veronica’s father: “Oh yes, that’s it.”

Heathers Veronica with her parents

The scenes that Veronica has with her parents offer a real change of pace for the film, as they typically take place after something bigger, as she then just sits and shares a peaceful meal with her family.

Veronica’s father has a habit of asking his wife and daughter why he does the things he does, like reading spy novels. Each time, Veronica gives the same answer: “Because you’re an idiot,” to which he always replies “Oh yeah, that’s it.” It’s clear to see where Veronica gets her dry humor from, and back and forth making fun of the 80s “helpless dad” troupe.

JD: “Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, honey.”

JD and Heathers

JD is a guy with a clear flair for the dramatic and lines that he thinks sound deep and deep. He delivers this line about the beauty of chaos when he and Veronica are at his home after the lunch meeting to reunite after all the school’s tragedy.

JD is excited about the strong reaction everyone has and tells Veronica that they scare people into being cute. Just like his father watches demolition videos, JD thrives and sees beauty in chaos, and this quote perfectly sums up his personality that way. He does not care what destruction is caused, for to him chaos is as natural and necessary as extinction.

Veronica: “Yeah, I just got back.”

Veronica Sawyer after the explosion in Heathers

By the end of the film, Veronica Sawyer is really in her bad phase. She has taken control of her life and she struts back to school after just facing an explosion, which is why her hair is curled up and she is covered in blood, to which Heather Duke tells her she looks like hell.

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However, Veronica comes back with a great line and tells her that she just got back, showing the journey she has been on and how she felt about the whole process of dating JD

Veronica: “JD, that knife is dirty.” // JD: “What do you think I should do with it, take out her almonds?”

Veronica's reflection in JD's Knife in Heathers

As a new Queen Bee takes over Heather Chandler’s place, JD takes it upon herself to feed into one of the most used teen comedy tropes and take the popular girl out for the second time. As Veronica follows him into Heather Duke’s house, he begins to swing a knife to succumb to yet another suicide.

Humorous enough and inappropriate at the moment, the first thing Veronica points out is that the knife is too dirty, which JD laughs at and makes a joke that it does not matter if it is clean or not. Veronica tells him she knows Heather, and a knife she would use would be immaculate. Of course, it all turns out to be a bizarre dream Veronica has.

Veronica: “Lick It Up Baby, Lick. It. Up.”

Veronica Sawyer after the party

Another classic line that Veronica delivers is this one, after she drinks too much for the party, Heather Chandler gets her to. She does not want to be there anymore, but instead of being a good friend and taking her home, Heather Chandler embraces her bad girl’s survival strategy and forces Veronica to stay so she can look cool to the college kids.

Unfortunately, Veronica did not lie about feeling sick and throwing up on Heather. When Heather Chandler quickly complains about the situation, Veronica stands up for herself and makes it clear that Chandler needs to lick it up and show off the spine she had avoided using with Heather.

Heather Chandler: “F *** me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?”

Heather Chandler and Heathers

Heather Chandler is an evil social leader; there is a reason Veronica tells her that everyone sees her as a piranha. When Veronica asks if they can ask questions to everyone for lunch for the poll instead of the same people they always do, she is immediately disgusted and gives this fun sharp comeback.

This cruel visual mixed with Heather’s clear contempt is a perfect representation of the film’s mood and Heather’s character as a person. However, Veronica is the bleeding heart that Heather Chandler respects and sees as an equal, so she listens to her request.

Veronica: “What’s your injury, Heather?”

Veronica on the stairs listened to Heather McNamara in Heathers

This iconic 80s line is as classic as the best 80s high school teen movies and Madonna. After a heartfelt and exalted voiceover diary entry from Veronica, these are the first words she speaks loudly in the film.

For much of the film, Veronica acts as if she is all over the place and an unwilling participant in the social scene for her high school classmates. This line is the only glimpse that the audience gets into that she really is just another teenager, herself. The facade of her superiority is gone and she’s just another high school girl getting a knee in the shoulder.

JD: “The extreme always seems to make an impression.”

Heathers JD with Veronica

This quote is a perfect example of how JD’s mindset works, as he always looks at things from an all-or-nothing perspective, finds ways to make big gestures and get into big trouble, which is clear from the start when he gets a gun out in the cafeteria.

When Veronica questions him about his actions, JD says that doing something extreme always gets a reaction and makes an impression, which heralds his overall plan for the student body in the final parts of the film.

Veronica: “She’s my best friend. God, I hate her.”

Veronica Sawyer smiles in Heathers

Right from the start of the film, it’s clear that Veronica does not really like Heather Chandler. Although they are best friends, they are also completely different as humans, and Veronica is clearly not a fan of how Heather Chandler leads her and others nearby.

When she talks to herself, Veronica comes out with this funny line that sums up exactly how she feels about Heather Chandler. It is also a good example of the sometimes tense relationships that girls in high school can have with each other. This line is reflected when Heather Chandler dies, as Veronica says a best friend and a greatest enemy are the same.

Veronica: “Dear Diary, My Teen Anxiety Bulls *** Has A Body Count.”

Veronica writes in her diary in Heathers

This line and Veronica’s understated voiceover delivery of it are symbolic of her general arc throughout the film: she feels anxiety in her life and complacency and is then put into activities that turn out to be more fatal than she originally planned.

The excitement she was looking for, away from the high school clicks and the parties, quickly went out of hand, and before she realizes it, she has been complicit in three murders. Veronica, the gifted writer and avid journalist, takes to her diary when she feels overwhelmed in her life, and this was no different, adding a whimsical bid for her new boyfriend’s bloodlust.

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