The bachelor Season 18’s Martin Gelbspan has been something of a problem since day 1 – originally just because of his whole frosted tips and cut off flannel situation – but then he also had to open his mouth. Ah, there is nothing more familiar to the Bachelor Nation than the masculine urge for self-destruction on national television!
While I try to woo Michelle Monday night’s episode, Martin dealt with a game of Fuckboy Bingo with itself. He really hit all the spots: “Girls are high maintenance,” “you are not like other girls,” etc.
It all started innocently enough at the cocktail party towards the end of the episode, which had mostly unfolded as a series of romantic montages of Michelle galloping across Minneapolis on one-on-one with her two obvious frontrunners, who in particular are not Martin. When Martin confronts Michelle about giving him the same compliments that she seems to give most of the other contestants, she asks him directly if he thought she would be the type to “blow smoke up your ass.”
Martin then backs away turns off, but manages afterwards to somehow step even deeper into it. He tells Michelle, he hopes to share even more romantic moments with her, to which Michelle responds, “I’m not too hard to please.” Instead of literally saying otherwise, Martin, who especially comes from Miami, shoots back, “That’s what girls in Miami do – very high maintenance.”
The look Michelle then gives him can be appropriately summarized by this tweet:
Admirable enough, our Bachelorette finder willingness to keep talking to him, prodding, “What makes a woman high maintenance, versus what makes a man high maintenance?” Martin pausessupposedly to think for a moment, only to spit out a sexist word-throw removed from the side of one Jordan Peterson book: “Because a man does not usually go into a relationship and says, ‘Hey, you have to take care of me,'” he says.
Michelle speaks then for all of us by just laughing him in the face, instead of appreciating the Incel Lite rant to which she and all of America were exposed for some reason. It was probably not the reaction Martin expected, for he follows up with: “Is that wrong? A man should not, and I do not think a woman should.” Well yes, Martin, but you literally just said that women, but not men, go into relationships and ask to be “taken care of”, so do not behave as if you are somehow makes this about equality.
Eventually he holds on the fuckboy lands by looking Michelle in the eye and telling her, “That’s why I decided to join the show. Because I know you’re different.” Really, Martin? The line “you are not like other girls” ?? Ironically ?? In the Lord’s year 2021 ??
Cue the [tense music] while Michelle looks at him intensely but expressionlessly, marking the end of the conversation. In a interview, Martin later States concern that Michelle had not “necessarily understood what I meant to say.” Where have we heard that line before ?? Oh, right, from any man who has ever said and done anything terrible, only to somehow make his gift about your understanding abilities. Classic!
Martin hangs somehow a rose in the last moments of the episode, most likely because Bach the producers sense that he has a real potential to self-destruct into a viral inferno of drama and internet controversy. So here is to see what Fuckboy Bingo fields he inevitably manages to hit next week!