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We’ve all seen the drama between Dani Leigh and DaBaby unfold on social media, and it’s been nothing short of scary. If you missed it, the “Ball If I Want To” rapper called her a “side b ****”, playfully denied that their child is his, accused her of assault, which led to her now having two simple allegations of assault and repeatedly called her “cuckoo for cocoa bust” on Instagram Live for millions of people to watch. This shameful behavior has led people, mostly women, to consider him a narcissist, and as a licensed psychotherapist, I have a problem with that.
There have been a ton of posts about how to spot a narcissist and how to know that you are dating a narcissist who appears on Instagram with DaBaby at the helm, and that kind of post is aggravating. First, the term narcissist is thrown around too much and used too lightly. The only thing that needs to happen is that someone hears that a man, especially a black man, did something selfish, embarrassing and manipulative and then boom, here comes the narcissist etiquette. Many who use this term so loosely not only do not have the necessary information to talk about it, but have no idea about all the symptoms of the diagnosis. Being a narcissist requires more than being a liar and manipulator.
If someone is a narcissist, it means they have a narcissistic personality disorder, which is described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in imagination or behavior), need for admiration and lack of empathy.” Narcissistic people are also preoccupied with success, power, beauty, have a magnificent sense of self, have a sense of justification, are exploitative, arrogant and envious. They also need constant validation and struggle with relationships and intimacy.
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What we saw DaBaby do against Dani Leigh was clearly degrading, slanderous, hurtful, heartbreaking and annoying. We all saw him in public gas-lit Dani Leigh as he was entertained while humiliating her. This kind of behavior can certainly be categorized as a lack of empathy. At one point, he called their situation a “fatal attraction,” suggesting that Leigh is obsessed with him, which could be a little grandiose. He showed no respect or consideration for Leigh, who just gave birth to his daughter three months ago when he publicly mocked her, claiming he did so “for his safety”. This behavior alone does not qualify him to be branded a narcissist. Someone with questionable character who lacks integrity? Of course. A mentally ill person with a personality disorder? I do not think.
Moreover, it is misleading to consider so many people as narcissistic because narcissistic personality disorder is not a common diagnosis at all. Psychology today says that less than one percent of the population generally has it while it Cleveland Clinic It is estimated that up to five percent of the population has this diagnosis. Not only is it rare, but it is not a diagnosis to take lightly because it intensely impairs a person’s daily functioning.
My point is that classless behavior should not be pathologized continually. Every time people commit shocking or selfish acts or display behaviors that cause people to question their morals, people begin to draw out mental diagnoses such as bipolar and narcissism. Mental disorders are serious, and using them so inaccurately is not only irresponsible, but continues to perpetuate the mental health stigma that keeps people from seeking help. Just as mood swings do not mean a person is bipolar, not all fuckboys are narcissists. Just because he showed a decline in judgment and actions that lack dignity does not mean the man has a personality disorder. Relax, everyone.
Posts that claim to help people find a narcissist are more harmful than helpful if they are not written by a trained professional. A google search and a heartache do not make anyone else qualified to talk about what a true narcissist is. If you are not a licensed mental health professional, it would be wise not to talk about diseases you do not know about.
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