“So much wasted time just to embarrass and humiliate me, and I think it seems weird to most people now why I do not even make my music anymore … After what I’ve been through, I’m afraid people and business. “
Britney Spears publicly reflects on the reason behind her years-long break from music, and it has everything to do with the lack of creative freedom she had during her conservatory.
In case you didn’t know, Spears last appeared live on October 21, 2018 as part of her Piece of me trip. At that time she was still under a conservatory; the restrictive legal scheme was terminated last month after 13 years.
In June this year, the pop star spoke out against the conservatory during an emotional court hearing, calling its expression “abuse” and comparing her experience of being forced to work against her will to “sex trafficking”.
BuzzFeed News revealed abuse, neglect and death across the guardianship industry. Read our investigation series “Beyond Britney” here.
Spears also publicly condemned her father Jamie – who controlled her life and finances as her conservator – at the hearing, as well as her mother Lynne and sister Jamie Lynne, who she said “did nothing” to help her as she struggled.
And ever since the testimony, Spears – who announced an “unlimited work break” after her stay in Vegas in 2018 – has continued to publicly reflect on the difficulties she faced under the legal system, revealing back in July that she spent years on to “beg” for a little creative control in her shows.
“I do not want to put heavy makeup on and try to try on stage again and not be able to do the right thing with remixing my songs for years and begging to put my new music in my show for MY fans … so I’m quitting !!!! I do not like that my sister showed up for an awards show and performed MY SONGS for remixes, “Spears divided in July.
Now, in a new Instagram post shared this week, Spears has opened up further to be denied her creative freedom while she was under the conservatory, and the lasting impact it has had on her.
“I chose the false denial ‘everything’s all right’ approach because I did not want to create conflict. I was NICE, FAKE, and I absolutely screamed inside,” Spears wrote along with a series of quotes about fidelity.
“I asked for 13 years to perform new songs and remixes of my old songs,” she continued. “I had two months off between each show setting for four years in Vegas … and every time I asked, I was told ‘No’.
“It was a set-up that was going to make me fail, but I knew exactly what I wanted my [fans] to watch and it did not make sense how network TV shows show my music with remix of all my music… but the person who owns the music is told no, ”she added. “They even remixed my sister, but why did I always say no?”
The “Toxic” singer went on to discuss her hiatus in more detail, revealing that she had only shared the “surface problems.”
“So much wasted time just bothering and humiliating me, and I think it seems weird to most people now why I don’t even make my music anymore,” she wrote.
“People have no idea the horrible things that were done to me personally … and after what I’ve been through, I’m scared of people and the business,” Spears admitted. “They really hurt me. Not making my music anymore is my way of saying ‘Fuck You’ in a way when it only benefits my family by ignoring my real work … it’s like I unknowingly let them win.”
Spears’ nod to her break and music comes days after she teased with a “new song on the way” in a post that left fans excited.
Spears shared a video of herself vocal on December 22, noting in the caption: “Pssss, new song on the way … I want to tell you what I mean” along with a flashing emoji.
In the same caption that has since been deleted, Spears cited her successes as she knocked her family down.
“Yes … I want to be my own cheerleader … why ???? I’m here to commemorate mine white ‘classy’ family that I have not forgotten what they did to me and I will never forget, “she wrote, noting that she is a” multi-platinum, Grammy Award-winning pop icon “with” nearly 100 million records sold on a global scale.”
Reflecting on the performance again in her latest Instagram post, Spears said her need to list them came from “serious uncertainty.”
“I obviously have serious insecurity,” she said wrote, “otherwise I would not have behaved like a disgusting 8-year-old last week defending myself with performances.
“Honestly, my family embarrassed me and hurt me deeply … so it actually helped to honk at my own horn and watch my past performances reflect back on me,” she added.