DEAR ABBY: My niece is getting married this spring, which has created a dilemma for my immediate family.
When the save-the-date cards went out, she addressed them only to the women in the family. At first we thought it was a mistake, but now the invitations have come and they are also only for the women.
My husband and my son (her first cousin) feel neglected. My son’s wife was invited, but she does not know the bride at all.
It seems that the bride has a limited number of guests she can invite to the place. She also has a large number of friends and the groom’s family attending.
Out of respect for my son and my husband – and a son-in-law who was also excluded – we will all answer that we will not participate.
I’m awful not being able to see my niece go down the aisle, but I’m not used to my spouse being ignored. Am I doing the right thing?
THE COUNCIL OF FLORIDA
DEAR COUNCIL: Before rejecting the wedding invitation, call your niece and ask if she intentionally excludes the men. Because women do most social events, she may not have realized that each guest’s name should be on the invitation.
Instead of trying to exclude family members because their chromosomes are not the same as hers, this may simply have been an etiquette boo-boo.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 35 years and have a recurring problem with no solution in sight: My wife puts frozen meat on the counter to thaw.
She says she can not count on thawing it up in the fridge because it takes too long and disrupts her meal planning. Her mother has always done it this way and no one has ever gotten sick.
I try to talk to her, but it only ends in a fight. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
RISK AND ILLINOIS
DEAR RISK: The Food and Drug Administration has issued guidelines on cooking because people have become very ill when not done properly. They specify that food should never be thawed or marinated at room temperature.
Over the last 10 or 15 years, conditions at some of our slaughterhouses and farms have deteriorated and consumers have died as a result.
I can not predict if you can persuade your wife to change. But you might be doing her a favor if you visit her fda.gov and print out some information for her and your mother-in-law. Better to be safe than sorry.
DEAR ABBY: My wife is part of a Christmas cake exchange with her sisters-in-law and her mother. Three of them make beautiful, tasty cookies. The other person’s cookies are not very good, so the others do not put them on their trays. Instead, they gladly accept them and “give them away.”
I think someone should grab this woman and “gently” suggest that she make a different kind of cookie so she does not waste her time, energy and money. I have been told to stay out. Your thoughts?
WASTE OF COOKIES IN NEW YORK
DEAR SPOKES OF COOKIES: Ideally, the woman might want to know that her cookie is not well-liked. In the real world, though, her emotions can get hurt. You have been overruled. Right now, everyone is happy. If the temptation to say something becomes overwhelming, put a “good” cookie in your mouth and keep it closed.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.