DEAR ABBY: I’m a 38 year old woman who used to be cute. Then I had a three-year affair.
Knowing that I’m one of America’s bigger fools – and for so long – is annoying, but I finally saw the light. The only person i think is a bigger fool than me is his wife.
Some “highlights” of our romance: He gave me a venereal disease during the spring break. I found an unknown woman’s phone number in his contact file and I saw a blonde in a white convertible drop him off at his house at 9:15 in the morning, which according to him “never happened.” (My eyes do not lie.) After I was hit by a car in a pedestrian crossing, he never called me to see how I was doing. His teenage son followed me around town, turning me away and shouting obscenely at me. There’s more, but I have to spare you.
Please warn your readers to stay away from affairs. They degrade you, your boyfriend will lose confidence in you, and the person you are having an affair with – can that person ever really trust you? Will he not also be unfaithful to you?
This “wonderful” man is an elementary school teacher. (Think about what he teaches your kids, folks!)
Like I said, I used to be cute. I used to worry and trust. Not anymore! This man changed not only my whole life but also my family’s. Will I ever forgive myself?
PS I’ve spent thousands of dollars on counseling. It’s a lot of money, but I’m worth it.
FINALLY SEED THE LIGHT
DEAR FINALLY: Love may be blind, but I’m glad you finally saw the light. I’m also glad you realized you needed professional help to regain some self-esteem. Your bitterness jumps off the pages of your letter. If you are also working on it with your advisor, it will be money well spent.
DEAR ABBY: I became a widow 10 years ago after 34 years of marriage. My late husband’s sister, “Barbara”, who is also now a widow with no children or other family, considers me her sister and friend.
Abby, I’ve never felt close to her. We are very different and neither my husband nor I had any real contact with her other than occasional holiday gatherings. Barbara is a dominant, self-pitying hypochondriac with no friends left she has not alienated.
We live quite close to each other and I have the feeling since the loss of her husband three years ago that she expects me to be her companion and caregiver as she gets older. I would cut my wrists over first!
I married my husband “until death do us part”, not his family. I do not want to hurt Barbara’s feelings; I just want to enjoy my own senior years. How can I gently remove myself from her game plan?
HAVE NOT REGISTERED THIS
LOVES HAVE NOT REGISTERED: Remove yourself “carefully” from Barbara’s game plan by becoming less and less accessible. She can be strong-willed and dominant, but you do not have to knuckle down for her desires or be a dumping ground for her problems.
If she’s asking to come along, get busy. If she is depressed, then suggest grief counseling, which has helped so many. If she suggests that you help her enter her declining years, then explain that it will not be possible because you are planning to travel. You do not have to be cruel or harsh to stand up for yourself. Just hang on to your sense of humor and keep your distance.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.