DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Dyanne,” and I recently had a baby conceived not long after we started dating.
While I love my child with all my heart, Dyanne constantly gives hints that she wants an engagement ring or a “promise ring”.
I understand why, because she has explained her reasons. But she pushes me to give something that I think should come when I feel comfortable doing so.
While some will say I do not behave like that, I am traditional in some ways for a millennium. I believe that when I give someone a ring, it should be because I’m planning to marry her. I do not consider marriage as most people do and I think I can just get divorced and that is not a problem.
I think Dyanne puts too much emphasis on what others think and that is one of the reasons she wants a ring.
Is it wrong to stop until I feel ready to actually be free and not just say, “Of course. One day we will, and here’s a ring in the meantime”?
UN COMMITTED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR UNGETTED: Nowhere in your letter did you mention that you love Dyanne. You should not give her a ring and keep her in a holding pattern if you are not sure you will follow the commitment.
Being honest. Tell her that you love her and love your child and intend to be a responsible parent with her, but you are not ready for marriage and do not know when you will be. It’s the truth.
DEAR ABBY: I am a volunteer tour guide for several historic sites. One of them is a cemetery. My guide colleagues and I are worried – not to mention sad – when we see children running around unattended and getting up and climbing on the tombstones. Cemeteries are sacred places where the dead are to be remembered and honored.
When parents or caretakers allow children to use the cemetery as a playground, they fail to teach them respect for the dead or for the survivors who visit their loved ones’ graves.
They also endanger their children. Tombstones can fall or tip over. Children have been killed or seriously injured by falling stones. Flat grave markers can be dangerous. When we warn parents about these dangers, we are often met with indifference.
Please encourage your readers to take our concern for their children’s safety seriously and check their children’s activities in cemeteries.
CALCULATED TOUR GUIDE
DEAR CONSIDERED: I’m happy to pass on your message because it’s important.
The cemetery etiquette is simple: Treat the graves as you would have your own loved ones’ graves, or as you would like your own treated. This includes no loud talk, and because there are people in mourning who do not go to the graves, do not leave chewing gum on the gravestones, keep pets on a leash – if they are brought there at all – and teach children the difference between a cemetery and a cemetery. a playground.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.