DEAR HARRIETTE: Every time I hang out with my friend, he leaves random things in my car.
A month ago it was his glasses and today he told me he left his hat in my car. I had not seen it because it was on my back seat – which is strange because he was never on my back seat.
I will not give his hat back because I think he does it on purpose so he gets an excuse to hang out again. If he wanted to hang out, he could just say it. I do not appreciate being cheated.
Should I say something about this?
DEAR YOU FEEL BEING: Think of your friend. Is he shy? Does he seem timid around you at all? Could he secretly like you and be uncomfortable expressing it?
More important: Do you like him? Is there any potential for sparks from your perspective? If so, you can playfully ask him why he keeps leaving things in your car. You can confront him with it with a pleasant, inviting approach.
If you are not interested in him, you can confront him more sharply. Ask him directly why he keeps leaving things in your car. Tell him he can get his hat on every time you see him again, but right now you’re busy.
If you reject the reconnection, it will show your friend that his strategy is not working.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend thought she could do better than the job I would recommend her for. She told me she would explore her options before deciding on the company I work for.
A few weeks went by and she started to get a little more desperate on her job search so she asked if I would still be able to recommend her for the position.
It was too late when she changed her mind. My company had chosen another one I recommended for the position.
My friend has ignored me ever since. It is not my fault that she chose not to accept the offer. Did I do something wrong? Does she have a right to be mad at me?
Not my fault
DO NOT LOVE MY ERROR: You did the right thing and your friend ignored your connection and your kindness to her own hurt. She feels bad about her decision and is either consciously or unconsciously trying to shift the blame onto you. Do not accept it. She’s wrong.
Also, be wary of her in the future. Your reputation is everything. You recommended her almost once, but she did not respond in a timely manner. Think twice about recommending her in the future.
Do not let her bad attitude today influence your professional decisions. You did nothing wrong. She has no right to be mad at you. She’s actually mad at herself.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle expert and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to email@example.com or c / o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.