“There vill alvays be a var.” Those are the words of Nightcrawler, spoken in an extremely believable German accent by some very talented intern in the Marvel offices in the new trailer for the upcoming super-mega-crossover event: AX: Judgment Spray. AX: Judgment Spray is a crossover between The X-Men, The Eternals, The Avengers, and Ax Body Spray, aiming to finally answer the age-old question: what does Wolverine smell like? And– what’s that? Oh, it’s not? Sorry, folks, we are being told that the super-mega-crossover event is not, in fact, called AX: Judgment Spray. It’s actually AX: Judgment Day. Our bad.
But the point of this article isn’t what Marvel’s latest super-mega-crossover event is or isn’t called. It’s about the trailer. It’s about the trailer’s inspired voice acting. It’s about adding a low-effort article to the end of the night to bolster our weekly article quota. And with that in mind, let’s copy and paste some SEO-rich text from the press release, shall we?
On July 20, war will descend on the Marvel Universe, and all of Earth’s heroes will be judged in its wake.
Writer Kieron Gillen, artist Valerio Schiti and colorist Marte Gracia’s AX: JUDGMENT DAY will spring out of the pages of AVENGERS, ETERNALS, and X-MEN, bringing a years’ worth of radical plot points to a head when the Eternals discover mutantkind is a form of excess deviation. As a result, the Eternals will attempt the very thing they were created to do: eliminate the Deviants. When the Eternals attack Krakoa, the Avengers will find themselves pulled into the fight, torn between two of the most powerful factions in the Marvel Universe.
But the grand scale of this event can not be contained to this six-issue series alone. Following AX: JUDGMENT DAY # 1, the event will spill into multiple limited series, one-shots, and tie-in issues of your favorite ongoing series, including WOLVERINE, MARAUDERS, FANTASTIC FOUR, and AMAZING SPIDER-MAN.
A new trailer for AX: JUDGMENT DAY, which features never-before-seen artwork from the event, offers a glimpse of the spark that ignites the war between these three powerhouses. As Destiny attempts to see Orchis’ future plans, she perceives a new threat: “The Eternals will try to kill us all,” she warns Mystique and Nightcrawler. “We must gather the Quiet Council.”
Elsewhere, tensions rise amongst everyone else, as mutantkind’s newfound immortality is revealed to the public — and although the Immortal X-Men have found a way to conquer death, the Eternals have a plan to deal with their “heresy”: destroy all mutants. However, the citizens of Krakoa aren’t alone, as the Avengers join the fight and come to their aid… but perhaps none of them are prepared for the consequences of this conflict.
If you’re thinking to yourself, “this sounds like the sort of thing that is likely to rock the Marvel Universe to its foundations leaving nothing the same again,” well, pal, you’re starting to catch onto things around here, aren ‘t you? Watch the trailer below and give Marvel obscene amounts of money to buy all the tie-ins in July.