Exxon employees win a company-wide pizza party after reaching new greenhouse gas levels

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IRVING, TX – Following the release of a report from the World Meteorological Organization finding that greenhouse gas concentrations reached a new high in 2020, sources confirmed that staff at ExxonMobil were rewarded Tuesday with a company-wide pizza party. “We just wanted to do something nice to show the team our appreciation for all their hard work,” said CEO Darren Woods, who reportedly stood in front of a meeting room table stacked with large pepperoni pies as he handed out T-shirts on which stood at “413.2,” a reference to last year’s atmospheric carbon dioxide level in ppm. “Even though you never want it to be about the numbers, it feels pretty good to know that we all came together and made something so big happen. It takes real dedication to keep meeting these ever-higher goals.” According to reports, the multinational oil and gas conglomerate has been holding similar celebrations since at least 1982, when Exxon chose to ignore its own internal report stating the effects of rising CO2.2 emissions would be both catastrophic and irreversible.

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