Gwyneth Paltrow presents new diamond-plated trepanation drill, drainage bucket on the website

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LOS ANGELES – Gwyneth Paltrow introduced a new diamond-coated three-breasted drill and drain bucket on her website, highlighting the tool’s ability to drill through multiple layers of the skull to balance the body’s unknown ethers, sources confirmed Friday.. “With just a few cranks, this elegant stainless steel drill can penetrate the thickest parts of your skull bone in seconds, leading to instant relief from evil demons, ghosts and spirits possessing the soul,” the description went on Goop.com, who added that the limitededition The $ 8,000 kit could instantly detect brain dura matter, drain cursed fluids and release bad energy and evil thoughts into several sleek, stylish buckets. “Just feel the digging location, attach the supplied sterling silver drill, and stick through the frontal bone for instant relief and improved blood flow. Soon your vapors will be balanced, Satan will be ostracized and your inherent madness will be relieved as you have never felt before. “At press time, Paltrow unveiled a new line of specialengraved, 120-volt eelectric shase magents for the treatment of women’s female insanity.

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