Healing your Covid-19 with urine

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Christopher Key, the leader of the “Vaccine Police” organization that opposes Covid-19 vaccinations, recently shared that drinking urine could cure coronavirus. As the world’s leading non-partisan news source, The onion strive to give our readers facts and let them decide what is true. Here is a fact sheet that answers common questions about healing your Covid-19 with urine treatment.

Q: How much urine should I drink?
A: Covid-19 is a respiratory disease, so you will need to drink enough to fill both lungs.

Q: Can I use someone else’s urine?
A: Only if they are of the same urine type as you.

Question: Is it not meant for urine to go to the toilet?
A: No. Toilets were invented by greedy drug executives to keep medicine prices up.

Q: Is this treatment approved by doctors?
A: Most doctors agree that urine can exist safely inside the human body with few or no negative side effects.

Q: What happens if I do not drink my urine?
A: Is it really a risk you are willing to take?

Question: Should urine be cleaned before use?
A: It could not hurt to drive it through Brita first.

Q: What if I can not walk?
A: Sorry, we’re turning around so you can have some privacy.

Q: Does urine contain microchips?
A: Yes, but only in trace amounts of the microchips that are already in your body.

Question: Are there any side effects I should know about?
A: Only if you are considering “feeling great” and “good umami taste” regarding.

Question: Does the Third World Have Urine Yet?
A: Not until the cowardly Biden administration releases the patent on piss.


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