Christopher Key, the leader of the “Vaccine Police” organization that opposes Covid-19 vaccinations, recently shared that drinking urine could cure coronavirus. As the world’s leading non-partisan news source, The onion strive to give our readers facts and let them decide what is true. Here is a fact sheet that answers common questions about healing your Covid-19 with urine treatment.
Q: How much urine should I drink?
A: Covid-19 is a respiratory disease, so you will need to drink enough to fill both lungs.
Q: Can I use someone else’s urine?
A: Only if they are of the same urine type as you.
Question: Is it not meant for urine to go to the toilet?
A: No. Toilets were invented by greedy drug executives to keep medicine prices up.
Q: Is this treatment approved by doctors?
A: Most doctors agree that urine can exist safely inside the human body with few or no negative side effects.
Q: What happens if I do not drink my urine?
A: Is it really a risk you are willing to take?
Question: Should urine be cleaned before use?
A: It could not hurt to drive it through Brita first.
Q: What if I can not walk?
A: Sorry, we’re turning around so you can have some privacy.
Q: Does urine contain microchips?
A: Yes, but only in trace amounts of the microchips that are already in your body.
Question: Are there any side effects I should know about?
A: Only if you are considering “feeling great” and “good umami taste” regarding.
Question: Does the Third World Have Urine Yet?
A: Not until the cowardly Biden administration releases the patent on piss.
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