My boyfriend is convinced that we should live together

DEAR HARRIETTE: I do not want to live with my boyfriend yet.

Harriette Cole

We’ve been together for a year and he’s asked me over and over when we can start looking at places together. I have never had the chance to live alone and I am very excited to be able to do so in the near future. I do not want to stay with anyone.

He feels that if we do not live together, we will not move forward in our relationship.

What should I do?

Ready to live alone

DEAR READY TO LIVE ALONE: This is where my old-school self enters. You should not feel pressured by your boyfriend to live with you.

It’s smart for you to live for yourself, establish your own life and learn who you are as an independent human being – independent of your parents and your girlfriend. That does not mean that you choose to look outside your relationship – not at all. It means that you fully incarnate yourself as a young, independent human being.

This can be difficult for a partner to accept, especially if he is eager to take your relationship to a deeper level. But living together is not the same as getting married. Have you had that conversation? Even then, I recommend first waiting and establishing yourself independently.


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