DEAR HARRIETTE: I do not want to live with my boyfriend yet.
We’ve been together for a year and he’s asked me over and over when we can start looking at places together. I have never had the chance to live alone and I am very excited to be able to do so in the near future. I do not want to stay with anyone.
He feels that if we do not live together, we will not move forward in our relationship.
What should I do?
Ready to live alone
DEAR READY TO LIVE ALONE: This is where my old-school self enters. You should not feel pressured by your boyfriend to live with you.
It’s smart for you to live for yourself, establish your own life and learn who you are as an independent human being – independent of your parents and your girlfriend. That does not mean that you choose to look outside your relationship – not at all. It means that you fully incarnate yourself as a young, independent human being.
This can be difficult for a partner to accept, especially if he is eager to take your relationship to a deeper level. But living together is not the same as getting married. Have you had that conversation? Even then, I recommend first waiting and establishing yourself independently.
What you two can do now is talk about the long term. What do you want for your future? What do you imagine your future to be with each other? What goals can you set that will bring you there? This is important for both of you, but especially for him right now so he does not feel like you are leaving him.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am 30 years old and I have never successfully saved money in the long run.
I have repeatedly tried to have money in my savings account, but I always end up using them for unforeseen expenses. I do not make much money to start with, but I have friends who have somehow saved a lot of money.
I do not know what is wrong with me. How can I successfully build my savings account?
Dear NO SAVINGS: The good news is that you realize it when you are only 30. Unfortunately, I have talked to many people who are of retirement age who cry the same song and are worried because they see that they may never be able to retire . You have plenty of time to get your finances in order if you start now.
One of the simplest things you can do is get money deposited from your paycheck into an account before you even get them. Instead of putting it in an easily accessible savings account, choose another financial instrument like a Roth IRA. Talk to a financial advisor at your bank or credit union and get advice on the best ways to start saving today. For more savings ideas, go to: americasaves.org/resource-center/insights/54-ways-to-save-money.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle expert and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to email@example.com or c / o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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