None of these thanks! 11 gifts not to buy for cyclists this Christmas to avoid a festive faux pas

We understand that buying gifts for cyclists is a minefield. There are all the funny words and all you think they like that there are five optional pages on any shopping site, so the one you choose is definitely wrong.

> Christmas gift guide for discerning cyclists: what to buy for awkward cycling fans

These socks may have the wrong shade or length, that sweater may not be the one their favorite pro rider wears … it’s a ticking bomb for a festive faux pas. Despite road.cc is kind enough to offer a selection of Christmas gift guides to suit any pocket and cycling discipline, and you may be tempted to go off-piste and buy one of the following as a lovely gift for your cycling buddy … but thank you not. Please. Gift certificates will be fine.

Park Tool Pizza Cutter


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There are a few seasonal signs that Christmas is on its way: birds line up on telegraph lines to gather for their moves, the clocks change, so the afternoons turn into night, you buy a bottle of Baileys … and finally Park Pizza appears Cutter op. from its summer hibernation to popping up everywhere on your timeline.

A faithful of every bicycle Christmas gift guide since sometime in the last century, very accurate research suggests that there are only three cyclists in the world who do not have one of these common pieces of stainless steel and blue plastic; though it is offset by the number who have a kitchen drawer full of them as a result of a series of unimaginative Christmas gift presents.

It has only a few weeks a year to seek out its annual partner of the Campagnolo bottle opener and multiply, a task that becomes more difficult thanks to the growing scarcity of both the influence of the Italian brand and corks. Park has a large catalog of tools that are actually useful, so feel free to pick one of them instead, put it in the middle of a pizza, close the lid and wrap it.

Do not buy a Park Tool PZT2 pizza slicer for £ 20.39 here

A ‘fun’ sweater


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There are too many comedy cycling jerseys out there. Invariably worn by the pedal version of Colin in the office with the crazy ties, this one takes things to a whole different level of quirk by being decorated with pictures of your very own beloved pet. They can at least accompany you on your sudden solo trips.

Do not buy your custom jersey for pet face from $ 49.99 here

OR … a Christmas bike sweater


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It is one of the fun sweaters and you can only wear it for about a week a year. Such larks.

Avoid buying a fun festive cycling jersey here

A ‘cyclist’ toolkit


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An inexpensive multi-tool, where all the accessories are not quite the right size, but exactly the right size to round every bolt on your bike, some tire handles that will break at the slightest load of a snug-fitting tire, self-adhesive patches with the toughness of autumn leaves and a dumbbell wrench. When was the last time someone used one of them?

If you need something made of cheese for your cycling friend, then some well-ripened Stilton will be better received. Or a packet of cave-aged cheddar.

Use a budget multi-tool that will round all your bolts off here

Everything with a bike on


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For some people, knowing that you like cycling means that by definition you will like everything with a bike on it.

As a group, we are not alone, as the ‘same gift’ fate can befall anyone with a cat or dog (choose your breed) … imagine being in the Venn chart above both and getting the above cycling jersey with your pet on, or anyone who may have mentioned years ago and briefly in passing that they liked owls and each year is given something strigint.

If you receive a thing with a bike on, comfort yourself a little with the common pain of thousands of people across the country who unpack something with their stuff on with a similar rictus laugh. This should also serve as an empathy warning to never buy anything for anyone solely because it has their stuff on.

Do not buy a cliché bike tie for your loved one over here

A ‘useful’ cycling thing


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Given with the utmost care and love by someone who saw the ad roll past in their algorithm, it is an item designed with the utmost care and love by someone who has never actually ridden a bike.

> Bicycle Indicators at Dragons’ Den: How did cycling’s least successful product category get the attention of dragons?

Indicator gloves are a classic in this genre, someone comes up with a new design every six months, apparently never having done the basic research that the indicator gloves launched six months ago have disappeared without a trace. And those before them. See also indication of helmets and backpacks and everything non-cyclists think can make you ‘safe’ on the way to work.

Read our (rather positive) review of a bike indicator glove here

A floor lamp bicycle rack combination


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it’s way too easy to waste money on a plastic-like piece of useless bike bag, but if your bike friend is a real enthusiast, you can spend as much as their bike on a rack for it. Or you can hang it on a hook for £ 5, that would be fine too.

Do not buy a luxury lighted bike rack for anyone with your life savings here

All with the chain set on the wrong side


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There are really many lovely bike pictures and prints out there and many of them would be a very thoughtful gift; though I will refrain from venting the infinitely repetitive bicycle bon mods that are made for countless interpretations of prints, t-shirts, mugs, coasters, socks and anything that can be printed on (shut up the imagination but I deviate) .

If you choose to buy me a bike theme, make sure the chain set and gears in each picture are on the right side. I’m more than happy to live with a good deal of artistic interpretation, frame angles damn, steer as skewed as you want, but that’s the one thing that needs to be represented correctly. Unless it’s an artist’s impression of Team USA’s track bike from the 2016 Olympics … the driveline runs to the right! It makes my nails itch. Maybe it’s just me. Please say it’s not just me …

See some cycling art prints (some of them more accurate than others) here

Everything made from an old bicycle part


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We are being asked to reuse and reuse all the time now; and while it’s an incredibly commendable goal, there’s a really fine line between upcycling and glittering a ride. Anyone who has watched television in the middle of the afternoon knows this.

You can buy gifts made from any combination of old hoses, tires, chains and most other crunchy bike parts if you go hunting in the handmade malls on the internet for more than a few minutes. This recycling and recycling altruism is a fallacy, as making something out of an old bike piece only briefly delays its inevitable journey to the landfill.

Avoid buying a shelf made from old bicycle wheels here

Umm … this


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Just no. We will not even give you the freedom to give you an ironic ‘do not buy this here’ link on this occasion, find it yourself if you have to.

A pillow


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You in a bicycle set, but like a little cuddly pillow. Do you remember when you were little and you could not sleep the night before Christmas because you were sooo excited, now you dare not close your eyes if this is under the tree and waiting? Waiting to kill. Sweet dreams everyone.

Do not scare the pants of your cycling friend or relative by buying them a Snugzy Mini Me pillow here

Want some real road.cc recommendations on what to buy for cyclists for Christmas? See our other Christmas gift guides for 2021 here.

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