Turnout at local elections this fall: How many people turned up in Miami-Dade?

Of the 408,310 people registered to vote in the autumn municipal elections, only 17,711 voted – which corresponds to just over 17.5 percent of the voting population.

Now that polling stations are closed and all 232 areas have reported, New Times conducted an unofficial – and perhaps a bit absurd – analysis of turnout in the four races in Miami Beach, Miami, Hialeah and Sunny Isles Beach.

Miami Beach

Dan Gelber was re-elected mayor of Miami Beach and received 62 percent of the vote. Of a total of 12,755 votes cast, 7,936 went to Gelber – roughly the same as the number of warnings issued in South Pointe Park to people not to wear a mask or refrain from practicing social distancing by Miami Beach police in May 2020 when the city reopened.

The difference in votes between Gelber and second place – Jean Marie Echemendia, who received 3,356 votes – is 4,580, just shy of the dollar amount Guy Fieri allegedly left as a tip on his banner at this year’s South Beach Wine & Food Festival.

Both Miami Beach City Commission races (Groups 1 and 3) are heading for re-election, with the top two in each group vying for the respective seats.

Kristen Rosen-Gonzalez (4,029 votes), the white woman who “identifies politically as Hispanic,” angular Raquel Pacheco (3,594 votes) with only 435 votes, a number roughly equal to capacity of Set nightclub.

Meanwhile, 12,220 votes were cast in the Group 3 race, with Alex Fernandez (4,455 votes) topping Stephen Cohen (3,189 votes) with 1,266 votes – the approximate amount of dollars you would pay for a two-night stay at W South Beach under Art Basel.

There was no subject more controversial and unstable than the non-binding referendum on downgrading Miami Beach’s last call for bars from 6 p.m. 5 to 6 p.m. 02, a proposal led by Gelber.

Of the 12,917 ballot papers cast, 7,301 received yes, or 57 percent. The difference between “yes” and “no” was 5,616 – which is 1,606 more votes than the number of service workers whose jobs may be at risk if the Commission codifies the referendum into law.

Byen Miami

Of 467,963 people living in the city of Miami, only 27,323 came out to vote for the mayor – that’s 5.83 percent of the population – about the same faction that knows how cryptocurrency works.

Speaking of crypto, incumbent Francis Suarez’s four contestants brought in a total of 5,844 votes, while Mayor Tech Bro received 21,479 votes. That’s a full 78.61 percent of the vote, and that’s about the same amount Bitcoin has risen since Suarez started courting tech bros last November.

Joe Carollo’s victory in the race to retain his District 3 commission seat proves that no amount of national embarrassment or insane, offensive initiatives can remove “Loco Joe” from his seemingly permanent place in Miami politics. Carollo won by 3,998 votes – only a few hundred more than about 3,355 people experiencing homelessness across the country which Carollo gladly saw the residents adopt.

The incumbent District 5 Miami Commissioner Jeffrey Watson, who was appointed to his position last year to replace Commissioner Keon Hardemon when Hardemon moved up to the county government, lost his race to Hardemon ally Christine King. Watson, a conspicuously silent member of the Miami City Commission alongside his more noisy colleagues, obtained 1,003 votes – roughly equivalent to the number of minutes residents have to wait for public comment as he watched his fellow commissioners scream at each other and other officials during the recent sale of Art Acevedo.

Hialeah

Goya prayer-loving former county commissioner Esteban “Steve” Bovo won Hialeah’s mayoral race in a landslide with 13,058 votes. His opponent, Proud Boys smoozer Julio Jose Martinez, garnered a paltry 423 votes – or the number of minutes on Palmetto that residents will save now that Santa’s Enchanted Forest has moved out of the neighborhood.

In the most controversial race in Hialeah, frontrunners Angelica Pacheco and Bryan Calvo are heading for a round of Group VI councilors. Pacheco won by just 246 votes – the same number of Leon Medical Center shuttles running through the streets of Hialeah at any given time.

The Group VII front-runners, Luis Rodriguez and Maylin Villalonga, will also go for a reshuffle on November 16th. But far-right candidate Christopher Monzon, who called himself “The Cuban Confederate”, is out of the race after gaining only 753 votes, which is almost the number of Confederate monuments which still stands in the United States today.

Sunny Isles Beach

Only 2,273 out of 12,155 registered voters participated in the Sunny Isles mayoral election. That’s about 18 percent, just shy of the percentage of Russian-speaking residents living in the coastal municipality.

As the race is still too close, the mayoral election in Sunny Isles Beach will go to a drain where Commissioner Dana Goldman will face incumbent Mayor Larisa “Laura” Svechin. Goldman beat Svechin by 87 votes, which is close to the total number of floors in the two Trump Tower apartment buildings on Collins Avenue in Sunny Isles Beach.

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